I have come crawling back... (Facebook)

Who the fuck thought I died? Ugh if only... 💀💩
Half a year seems like long enough yeah?
But for the ones that didn't notice my ass deactivated ... FYI, I did. 
Part of me feels like it wasn't a long enough break and then the other part of me says meh! just reactivate and spam the shit out of the "like" button on everyone's stuff.
Wait is everything even the same?
Has stuff changed on FB or IG?
Will I be able to figure that shit out?  We'll find out right... I'm kidding of course. I'm sure even a monkey can figure that shit out... Monkeys are smart though, I mean have you seen them peel a banana?!?!?! smart little shits they are!
Anywhos!
Let's see... School, work, home. So much school, not so much work, not enough home. aaaand that's pretty much it!!! ok bye

Kidding, I guess that was a basic description of my life during that little break.

Notice how I didn't add World of Warcraft in there. That's because although I did have an active account, I didn't play as much as I used to. Even now I don't and I would LOVE to say it's because I've emersed myself in my studying but not really though. I had done a couple posts on my WoW blog lately though so I haven't fully not done anything ingame.
So what has replaced my WoW time?

ANIME has taken over a part of my life. I'm not savy in the world of anime yet, but I love it and want more. So much so that I did do a Crunchyroll sub. I remember doing a Nerdcrate box opening video and I got a flyer with a Crunchyroll coup code and I was like "um WTF I don't want this?"... What was I thinking!?!?!? ugh I wanna slap myself now. oh wells. But yeah I 💓 Anime right now. Ugh! why did it take me this long to get into this shit!
I had to start with the current popular ones (Demon slayer, Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, Jujutsu Kaisen, Death Note and then others Re: Zero, Sword Art Online, Black Butler, Hunter x Hunter, and suggested by Crystal, Tokyo Ghoul, so good LOVE that one so much. Sorry Crystal, I haven't gotten to Dragonball yet... BUT I did start on Naruto. OK I better stop cuz I could go on and on... shit I might make another post JUST about my anime, husbandos and waifus.

Oh and here is a pic of the two latest pieces of glass art I asked Dustyn to make for me!!!
He does such awesome work, and yes he should sell them, but he doesn't take my money, so I just buy him random unnecessary shit from Amazon unbeknownst to him... like I bought him the Attack on Titan sword for cosplayers... LOL why? cuz it looked cool. 

Ok so on that anime note, my love of Japan has creeped the fuck back into my soul. I mean aside from the fact that it runs through my body being half Japanese and all... derp!, but seriously, thoughts of actually moving there is taking up significant space in my heart. Last week, I would like to say out of the blue, but I might have put that notion in Pop's head to actually ask me if I would move there, cuz I was putting labels in Japanese on things. like "nagashi" on the sink or "sentakki" on the washing machine. No matter how much times we watch Sumo, he's never once asked me that. I have bought books, and downloaded apps to help me learn the language, but I have not actually taken the time to really invest in learning Japanese. The decision to learn while I'm in school for Surgical Tech wasn't good timing... HEY! my brain is very small and simple as you all know, I can't fuckin learn a new trade AND a new language at once bruh! who do you think I am? That fuckin' Rosetta Stone chick!?!? no but seriously, I don't have the mental capacity for it right now... When I'm done with school, get settled into the Surg Tech job world, then most likely it would be the time. With all that being said, I would love to move there, but baby steps so of course eventually I will visit in the near future to dip my toes in the whole culture first.

Oh wait! how did that all start? why the fuck do you wanna move out of the US. Is that even a serious question right now? HA! ANYWAYS!!!!

Now that I think about it, I didn't fully leave social media. Cuz it didn't dawn on me until literally this moment, that YouTube is considered "social media" HOWEVER!!! In my defense I watch it on my Roku, and I'm pretty sure it does not utilize the comment section. Cuz if it does, I've never seen it. All I can do from my Roku is watch the fuckin videos and subscribe to the channels. So really the "social" aspect of it all has been completely shot through Roku. SOOoooo... never mind all that rubbish, no social media lives on!
But yeah so where the frick was I going with that, was that along with anime, I've been suckered into the world of youtubers and dare I say influencers. Where did my resurfacing Japan bug come from? I have no clue how I found "Abroad in Japan", maybe from all the sumo content I watch, and the interweb spies said "hey try this shit!" well I did indeed get suckered in. If I were to sum up Abroad in Japan, pretty much it's a channel about travel, food and culture in Japan. And from that spawned a slightly uncontrollable need to consume anything "otaku" related surrounding Chris Broad. For the longest time I have not been willing to add anything to my laundry list of things I watch but majority of the people he is associated with I really enjoyed, they are funny and I am always entertained when I watch their stuff.  Ugh it's so good! I made a chain chart of people I enjoy watching that branched off of that show:

Ok I'll wrap this rubbish rambling up now... On a slightly serious note...
My time away was a much needed one, always refreshing to be honest. I can't guarantee I will ever keep up with social media the same as I used to, but until another "deactivating" fit creeps up I will try to get my weird shit out there. I can tell you I won't be posting as much shameless selfies (if any) as I used to, goodness forbid I even torture the bathroom mirror with the sight of me when I get out of the shower, so enjoy the pics of me that I currently have up cuz that's all ya getting. I can guarantee more weirdness and self-deprecating humor to come out of my mouth, errr keyboard. 
I will always be a weirdo geek, I will always say and do what I want without any mind for how it makes me look. It does sound pathetic considering I'm getting older and should grow the fuck up, and I know I've said this on many occasions but as long as I am not purposely trying to hurt anyone else's feelings, then I will still do it. I'm not always fuckin sunshine, fluffy clouds and rainbows, goodness even I have my limits, but I do try my best not to bring anyone else down around me when I'm having a moment.
I think I'm just fuckin talking in circles so I'll end this now....
Thanks for reading... *hugs*

Oh yeah wait!
I love this filter! The only thing I would have liked different would have been a better distinction between the brown/blonde color in my hair I see the half split a little but the yellow blended in.
Dust! Anime me!!!! I might have to get this filter for myself.

Taking a break again

<-- This image made me laugh... mainly because it pretty much sums up exactly what I have done here. Kidding of course cuz I've been back for a bit now.
I will be honest, I'm one of those that scroll around on the feed and don't "like" anything. Or I can go a couple days without logging on and then finally when I do, some people get a spam wall of me liking old shit that makes me look like a fuckin' creeper. Well I know a lot of people do this too. But I've been mainly going on and watching "reels" lately. They make me laugh.
I've taken breaks many times before and obviously I come back. This time is no different. Well maybe it is. I have left before because I struggled with shit and detachment was the only way I could keep my sanity. The latest break lasted about a year and a half. That time away was good for me, I did a lot. 

I feel like breaks every-so-often is necessary. Social media can be toxic. It sucks because the ones that don't seek out or contribute to the negativity are the ones that usually feel they need a break. Does it mean I'm a weak, crybaby bitch that I can't ignore the bullshit out there? A simple fix is not to completely leave but just cut back and not open the app every time. Or not to deactivate, but just delete the apps from your phone. Unfortunately for me that's not possible. If I know the account is active, I will find some way to get on and poke around. I've said it before, I often feel nosey when I do specifically go to people's pages to see what they're up to and end up scrolling and clicking on things. I know everyone one does it and that's the whole point of our profiles, feeds, stories, and photos... we share it publicly with friends and family for them to see what we're up to and hit one of the reaction buttons. No matter how much I tell myself that fact, I just can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable, for lack of a better term, when I do start scrolling. Sometimes the scrolling leads to lurking on places I shouldn't. Then the emptiness creeps up. You can tell me for days not to let things get to me, but I'm human so you're sure as shit it does. But the funny thing is that it bothers me, but then it goes away, and I'm all better. I am super anti-social so you'd figure I could give two shits about any of this and that's true for the most part. My sister says I have ADHD or something. Meh, she might be right, she knows the signs and shit and apparently it entails a lot more than what I thought ADHD deals with. 
Anywhos, way off topic there...

I am a part of 3 FB groups. 2 World of Warcraft and 1 Sumo. They are super active and most of my feed are of the group member's postings. When I say "most of my feed" I'm for reals talking like 90%. Actually scratch that, it has a whole shit load of annoying adds too. Then I get my friend's posts as minimal as it is. So I'm sifting through a lot of crap before I get to anything meaningful. I mean not "crap" cuz the group's posts I love. I love my WoW stuff, and since I'm not playing it right now, it makes my heart happy to see all the screen shots and reading what others are doing ingame fills my heart with such joy! ha! And of course I'm obsessed with Sumo so my sumo group puts a sumo sized smile on my face as well. Thankfully I can get my fixes for WoW and sumo on youtube. But anywhos, my point to that rambling was that despite all the good things that I choose to see on my feeds, the crap also seeps in. Yes there's negative, disgruntled, spiteful, ignorant people in all those groups and reels. I always foolishly read them forgetting that some people suck. 
I'm gonna stop now because I'm sounding more and more like a someone I'd wanna slap the shit out of for complaining so much.

So to end this, I'll take my break in a day or two. I know I always say I'll keep up with this blog, but I can't guarantee that as most of my time has been taken up by work and school, and the rest is staying home being anti-social just how I like it. I'm sure I'll update things every now and again on this blog or my other ones. And I'm sure my break won't be as long as the last time.

Happy New Years Everyone! Stay weird and be safe!

What has Skully been up to?

Hello everyone who decided to click on that link.
The following might be a little too much sharing just FYI. If you know me, you know I love to read about people's stories, I would love to read of my friend's lives. I love to read biographies of people past and present. I know FB and IG you get a little taste of the lives we lead, but it's only brief and mostly in pictures. I am a sucker for a person's information (no, not your fuckin' SSN and internet passwords) and knowledge and the reasons why things happen in their lives. Maybe I should have took up Psychology instead of Surgical tech. Anywhos, off track... so yeah, the following will be me sharing. I'll try to throw some weird pictures, cuz what's a Skully blog without some weird shit thrown in there.

Activating both FB and IG at 3am this morning stirred up quite a bit of lovely post comments and PMs askin' where the hell I've been and what I've been doing for the past year and a half. For those interested in knowing in semi detail, I will tell you. But seriously nothing really interesting happened.

I guess the main reason why I left all my social media (and friends) behind was to work on myself. I deactivated a bit after my latest relationship took a dump. Yes again, and yes in the same fashion as the first one. Don't feel bad for me, I do it to myself. I've come to terms with understanding it's my fault I don't keep anyone's attention, I'm a loner and I'm oblivious to any signs that gets thrown my way indicating any kind of loss of interest, meh, it is what it is. They find someone else to fill that spot, I don't argue and fight, I just say "rajah!"... just gotta let it go. But that just goes to show balls might be lacking somewhere on them, because an actual conversation or forewarning of finding someone else on thier part never seems to come up... I'd like to think of it like "they are so nice, to think of my feelings, and that because I am such a sweetheart that they didn't want to hurt my poor little feelings" LMAO... my ass!, fuckin bullshit right. Alright enough of that shit...

So that started my small kine spiral. I had to run back to my Daddy... Pops, Aunty Patty, and Dustyn took my sad ass in. I felt so defeated, gone was the days of my independence, or partial because I did live with the ex. I know it's not a bad thing I came back to family, I really do, because a lot of people still live with their parents, If you tell me yeah well those people are in their 20s I'm gonna slap the shit out of you, fuckin jerks lol, I fuckin pay rent OK!. I know I'm a lost cause trying to climb out of this hole I've dug myself into just shy of covering it with dirt. But honestly, I love living with them. When I lived with my ex I could count on one hand how much times I saw them. That is over a year period. I worked fulltime and the time I was off I spent it with the ex. He hated driving across town, and we had the same days off and he wanted to not spend it in the car. So I spent that time with him. That is one of many regrets, not visiting them more during that time. But look, It worked out, I see then every fuckin day and I love it! My favorite thing to do is watch Sumo with pops, when there isn't tournaments I'll hang with him and watch sumo match analysis, or old tournaments. I'm currently trying to make the Yokozuna's belt as a necklace. I'm having trouble with the five Shide (lightning bolts) that hangs down, they keep fuckin breaking, I'll figure it out.
The pic insert is my favorite Yokozuna Asashoryu with the belt I'm tryin to make.

Dust started to paint, he paints on glass panes. I have 2 Anime pictures that he says he messes up on but I love them. He said he messed up on the shading and I didn't want him to just toss them so of course I'll take them. 

And my Aunty Patty time is spent mostly eating all the stuff she makes... Um yeah, be jealous... well not really because I'm not losing weight... LOL J/K it's not because she makes all the yummy deserts. It's because I'm just fat and I love to eat them ALL!!!! not gonna lie there.
I put a pic of her cake popsicle creation

Alright let's move this on...
A couple months past, Covid hit and the shut down happened. I work at Bally's. And since moving to Vegas I've always wanted to work in a casino, the cage to be exact. Hey man, it's Vegas, casino job, that's job security right there right... hmm, nope! Fuuuuuuck this. More depression sets in. Gotta do something productive... never happends. The only productive thing that happened was eating, and playing World of Warcraft. Playing WoW IS productive mind you. My good friend Crystal reached out to me during that time to check up on me, she's so fuckin sweet. I will always thank and credit her for lighting the fire under my ass about this school thing. I had no direction in life and apparently staying in the casino industry was not wise to bank all my chips on. During all the Covid shit you hear of all the Healthcare workers, who are pretty much risking their own lives to help others that have fallen ill to covid. No vaccine and they go to work and help the ill... If that is not super fuckin inspiring then I really don't know what is. Anyone in the healthcare industry has a very important job no matter that they do. It

didn't take long to figure out what the fuck I wanted to. I knew I wanted to do something with surgeries. I'm not smart enough, or willing to take on a huge ass student debt that I'm sure I won't pay off before I fuckin die, to be a surgeon, so I decided on a Surgical Tech. I inquired at a school, and said OK. To be honest, If Unemployment and Stimulus checks had not come, I would not have enrolled. If anything good came out of my last relationship it gave me the opportunity to get completely out of credit card debt, and I will thank him for that. So all the money I was able to get from the shutdown I put towards my schooling. 
After the lockdown, and Ballys opened back up I lost my fulltime status and hours. SOOOooooo looks like enrolling in school was a smart thing to do huh. I mean aside from continuing your education is always a smart thing to do... Sadly I am old and I really wish I had more direction earlier in my life. Aside from my teacher, I am the oldest in my class lol. Oh yeah and because I catch on quick, get straight As, I run some study groups, and when in class I try to help my classmates come up with the answers instead of just blurting out the answers myself, my teacher said my school is hiring for teachers and asked if I'd be interested in teaching Medical Assisting there... tempting, but I do have an end goal, and teaching isn't it.

So that brings us to today, and the end of my social media boycott. I'm in a better place in my head. I struggle with this fuckin shit show of a life I've created for myself, as I'm sure everyone does. Some are way better and equipped to dealing with it. People have shoulders to go to. I don't have a shoulder. I know my friends tell me to just come to them, but I don't. I have a very full bottle. Writing these blogs helps me relive some of the pressure building up. I don't verbally talk to people about it, but this is my outlet. It's more concrete I guess, and I fully understand it is public, and I'm completely OK with the fact everyone can read and judge me if they feel the need to. If you ever read any of my other blogs, you can clearly see I don't give a shit. I say what I want and I do what I want. And it helps me and that's all that matters really.

And to end this... I told you I needed to add some weird shit in here, I mean aside from my whole ramblings if anyone sat through it all LOL... Here is the Godzilla shark... 300 million years old fossil found in New Mexico and he finally gets an official name a couple days ago "Dracopristis hoffmanorum"... See I give educational shit in my posts too!

Holy Crap look what I just found on the interwebs....
I guess I'll be "journaling" more lol. But my handwriting is shit so I guess more internet blogging will be happening. Well aside for the "RL" blog, I have my others that are full of random ramblings that I'll prolly be doing more then this one. As random topics pop into my head and my opinions accumulate I tend to write about it... Should I have gone into creative writing or something?... Shit stop!! ok bye...

I Copy/pasted the below... pretty interesting!

If anyone does decide to pick this "journaling" thing up and make it public, send me a link to it, know that someone would love to read about your fascinating stories.

___________________________

Journaling for Mental Health

When you were a teenager, you might have kept a diary hidden under your mattress. It was a place to confess your struggles and fears without judgment or punishment. It likely felt good to get all of those thoughts and feelings out of your head and down on paper. The world seemed clearer.

You may have stopped using a diary once you reached adulthood. But the concept and its benefits still apply. Now it’s called journaling. It's simply writing down your thoughts and feelings to understand them more clearly. And if you struggle with stress, depression, or anxiety, keeping a journal can be a great idea. It can help you gain control of your emotions and improve your mental health.

Journaling benefits     

One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:

• Manage anxiety

• Reduce stress

• Cope with depression

Journaling helps control your symptoms and improve your mood by:

• Helping you prioritize problems, fears, and concerns

• Tracking any symptoms day-to-day so that you can recognize triggers and learn ways to better control them

• Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviors

When you have a problem and you're stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can work on a plan to resolve the problems and reduce your stress.

Second and last attempt at online dating

Oh boy... ok, I think before I publish this I gotta go back and read my other one from several years ago.
Ugh, why do I even bother. I dont like people, I dont trust people, and I'm shallow.
I'm not a tease and I don't lead them on or anything, but because I'm so guarded and I'm used to guys lying to me I don't put much effort into keeping their attention.  They may have the same hangups as I do, but I'll never really know because I dont ask. And especially off a dating website, you know they talk to multiple people at the same time. Youre not special. However I find it difficult to do so, so this last time I started talking to one person, and hid my profile right after and just contunue text for the next few days. I lost interest, and so did the guy. But I really dont feel like unhiding my profile. Such a waste of time and effort. I might have just wanted to find another bang buddy, but then got worried about all these fuckin gross STDs floatin' around.
Dating anyone is not for me I guess. It's not the boring one partner forever stuff, that, I dont care about. It's just that I have certain routines. I dont like to deviate from them. In the last 4 years, besides family, I let one person disturb that. I met him on the same dating website. Was never anything committed, but If he was a bit more responsible and not lazy, I wouldnt have minded keeping him around and putting more effort into an actual relationship. I am shallow, he was cute, not very bright, but a good looking boy.
It's hard when you find someone with the same issues as you. Neither of you trust the other, and it never works. You both tell the truth, but you both also don't believe the other IS telling the truth. Its a vicious circle and no one wins. This is how difficult I am... I like when the guy initiates decent conversation, I dont text first, because I'm not needy, I dont ask alot of questions because I'm not nosey. And it sucks big time if I find the same person like me... damn we're screwed.

=just read the other entry, I wrote it 2014, it was written in my "random topics" blog=

Too much sharing? oh well

Karma:
I have a friend, and no that is not cover for "me", who shared some interesting feelings that resembled a hell of a lot of how I feel and how I've lived my "love" life.
Love, pshaw, if you can call it that.
She felt like she was doomed to be alone. Karma has caught up with her is how she put it. I don't think in this case its Karma though. I don't really know what it is. She feels like she will never find anyone who will love her and only her because of the things shes done before.  And to be honest, that's how I felt. While she's sharing the things she did in the past I can't help but to see a lot of myself in her. I'm older then her so I've racked up a bit more body count then she, but nonetheless... similar. There are differences between us though, she has 2 kids from the only actual relationship she's ever had and till this day she has accepted her so-called Karma. I have not accepted mine. Or maybe I like to tell myself that I can change and settle down, but in actuality, I can't and will never.

I started out in a situation where the other guy had several other girls. No lies from the beginning, everything was laid out from the beginning, the other girls knew about the other girls and it was ok. With it being my first I thought this is what was the norm and like with every girl was made to feel like you were the "special one" so I couldn't figure out why I wasn't enough. It wasn't a relationship by far, but I was loyal because it was the first person that wanted to bang me. Goodness forbid at the time I couldn't think why anyone would. My loyalty didn't last very long, He thought I was loyal but like you do... strayed. Why should I be loyal if he aint?. Eventually ended when a new girl came along that was able to get him to marry her. No problem, then you leave. Guy after guy, no attachment, no feelings came easy. Sadly the no attachment for me came at the expense of the guy's other halves (with the exception of some married couples I've been with). They cheated and I was the one they cheated with. I was the perfect person for their infidelity. I caused no drama, I don't get attached, I'm not needy, I don't ask for anything more, I was very discreet, I never text first, there's pretty much nothing I wouldn't do sexually, but mainly I didn't care about their girlfriends. Deep down I think I did. I was a good listener. I listened to them talk about their relationship problems. All while thinking how much of a loser asshole this person is that they don't have the balls to break anything off and spare the girls the heartache of finding out that their guys are dipping their dick in another pussy. Disgust started to creep up, but I still continued with what I was used to. Play shrink and get paid by sex is how I saw it. As much as guys say they want to just come over and hang, chat and no sex involved, do they think they were pulling the wool over my eyes? I say ok knowing that im getting laid. I was ok with knowing that they thought I was stupid just as long as I got my way as well.
My first (and only) relationship started off with conversation and not sex like the usual. I was flattered that someone wanted to actually talk to me, get to know me, and not focus on the physical part. It was nice, it was different. Foreign to me but nice nonetheless. That relationship lasted a good 5 or 6 years. I even moved away from home for him. I was done. I was done looking for anything else. I never saw myself not with him for the rest of my life. Relationships have problems, ours did but nothing I thought was major. We never actually fought. I never saw a need to. Id get angry when the bank account would be negative because he withdrew 400 to pay for the weed habit before an auto bill pay. but we never really argued about it. I hated his weed habit. He hated my World of Warcraft habit, which is fuckin hilarious because he's the one who introduced me to the game. I was my heaviest Ive ever been in 8 years. I hated the way I looked, I hated going places, I hated my body so I even hated having sex, because aside from showering, you have to get naked for that. He'd want me to go out with him to his friends houses to hang out, but I'd always hate to go. Them just sitting around smoking weed, I really wasn't interested in sitting in a smoke filled living room. I have friends who smoke and I don't knock it. Just respect the fact that I don't like it, it stays away from me and were just peachy. I love them no less. The more he goes out across town, the more and more I put 2 and 2 together. So I did what I do best, and eye for an eye. Sadly that experience was so not worth a cheat imo. Aunt back home got sick, I went back for 2 weeks and when I got back, The new girl was moved in and all my stuff was out, no warning. Not even my phone calls while I was away indicated anything of the sort. Oh well that's life right.
 /gut punch
... aye I dont like this entry. ima pause here.
_____________________________________
The above was written: 8/30/16
restart entry: 7/9/17
Geez I angrily shared so much last year, and yet not even everything, how can I not continue this and post it...
Actually it won't continue as a hurt, angry entry, but more so a final word of a better acceptance of the cards I've been dealt.
I understand there's noone out there that will compliment me fully. No one out there that feels that I'm worth trying for. So I wont try anymore. You always hope there is, but deep down you been with so much people that disappoint you in some way or another, you just give up. Keep to yourself. Take care of yourself. Family and a handful of close friends is all that matter. You will always hope you'll find someone that wont be a lying fuckin cunt douche that you can tolerate for more then 2 seconds, but does that person really exist for me? nope, because I will always see guys as such. Because its what I'm used to... thats the norm.

Hawaii Vacation/Dustyn Graduation

In 2 days I fly back home. Little Brother Dustyn graduates from High School. Very Proud of him. This Fall he's going to be attending UNLV. I'll try not to smother him and go down there and stalk him and make sure he's OK. Kidding, I know he'll be fine. Sadly I won't see him much when I go back home due to Project Graduation timing against my flight. Its Ok, like I said I'll see him later in the year.

This time I'm going under happier circumstances versus my last trip back home. I know this was a long time ago, and one would think it has been so long get the fuck over it. I am over it, but it will still live with me. Still live with the fact that someone could actually do the shit that happened to me. When you come back to all your shit taken out of your own room and drawers, replaced with some other chicks clothes and bath stuff, you'd freak the fuck out too. No warning, not even a courtesy call saying "it's definitely over, I'm fucking someone else now, and I moved her in". So devastating.  Anywhos, on the upside, That was the best thing that happened to me. I was kicked out, I learned to support myself. Gained my independence, I do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to deal with anyone's bullshit. Well the point to telling that little story was simply that although I know I don't have anyone here to do that shit to me again, it still is the last memory I had of leaving Vegas and coming back to something unbelievably chicken shit that it does leave a bad taste in my mouth. All I gotta think is, That ain't gonna happen this time. It will be a good trip, and I will come back to my life in tact, nothing would be changed, and my heart not ripped out of my chest, threw on the ground and pretty much pissed on.

Alright Back to normal shit. I don't leave for another couple of days. I'm trying to put together an itinerary, but don't have anything down solid. My diet will go to shit during the next week. So much food I want to eat. So much places I wanna go to, just to see whats changed. Several months ago I thought I wanted to try good Hawaiian Food places I've never eaten before. Then recently I thought, meh, I don't really give a shit. I wanna go back to the places I KNOW I like, places that I miss since moving here. Um Fuckin Zippys and Foodland Poke is at the top of my list.  And just hang out and see what the hell more has changed.

I wont let the change of home bother me as much as it did the last time I went back. I am fully expecting it this time. I'm fully aware that  they're "touristing" the place up. It's not really my home anymore anyways. My home is Vegas. The Whities can have Hawaii...
FUCKIN KIDDING!!!

Remembering home stuff

I started to write this one several months ago. I don't exactly know what made me think of reminiscing of home in. I do it often lately though. maybe it's the loneliness I don't know.
My aunty's Japan trip talk made me think of home and the few Japanese things that I grew up around.
One huge thing I remember was the smell of traditional incense. Not that hippy shit you can buy from any smoke shop or walmart. I'm talking about the sticks we used to get from the Hongwanji mission when the reverend from the temple came to pray with us at the house once a month. I remember Grandma telling us. "clean the house, the reverend coming to pray" We'd get our little pillows and kneel down with he and Grandma. I needed to have that smell. in my house, so I googled where to get it. I ordered it and the only thing I lacked was the little pot of ashes that you put the sticks in. because they are full incense and not that shitty ones on the thin sticks, these burn all the way down, you cant just the holders you buy at the store.

With the same incense instance I thought about another smell I was used to.  Fuckin' mosquito punks. The green coils on the thin metal holders on the ground next to the chair you're sitting on outside. Another use for these were lighting fireworks with them. I think was the most brilliant thing ever. It prevented the kids from using matches, or lighters to try to light their fireworks and sparklers. Making sure they were lit when you're outside helping Pops with his chickens was a must.
I know I'm not back home or in Japan for that matter, but I was always brought up to take off your slippers/shoes when you go in a house. I will never understand the outside shoes in the house especially in a house with carpet. I don't know why I can't get used to it. It's dirty. You track dirt, oil, possibly animal shit all over your house, and then after you shower you have clean feet, but you're walking through your dirty house and it gets all over your feet. Although I have friends that don't practice this tradition in their own houses, I do appreciate when my friends come over and they know me, and they respect my house and they automatically take off their shoes. I never ask, but they know me already and they do it for me. I remember when we'd have family gatherings and there would be a crap ton of slippers outside the house on the porch. When I was smaller I'd sit in the doorway and make all the slippers face outwards in the correct pairs. Turns out thats actually what they do in Japan for the purpose of in case they have to run out of the house for safety reasons their slippers are facing the correct way to just step in them and walk away. I think I did it for minor OCD reasons, or the fact that sometimes when you leave your family's house and you never turn on the porch light you end up leaving with one side of someone else s slipper. you don't notice until the next day you step outside. "Why I get aunty's left side purple slippah" ahh good times.
More on the Japanese track, I was thinking what they heck does a zen garden accomplish? does it make you feel at peace to rake sand lines around a rock. Lets try it. Little zen garden came with a little Buddha figure. Meh, it's cute, but too small for any kid of stress relief.
Little Japanese lanterns were too cute to pass up. I was gonna order more, but the outlet plugs won't accommodate the way I wanna string them. cute though.
And finally, every Easter back home I remember buying little chickies with bead eyes and plastic feet. Not one reason to buy them, but decorating my room with baby chicks, Michaels had them on clearance for a dollar. how could I pass that up.