Oh boy... ok, I think before I publish this I gotta go back and read my other one from several years ago.
Ugh, why do I even bother. I dont like people, I dont trust people, and I'm shallow.
I'm not a tease and I don't lead them on or anything, but because I'm so guarded and I'm used to guys lying to me I don't put much effort into keeping their attention. They may have the same hangups as I do, but I'll never really know because I dont ask. And especially off a dating website, you know they talk to multiple people at the same time. Youre not special. However I find it difficult to do so, so this last time I started talking to one person, and hid my profile right after and just contunue text for the next few days. I lost interest, and so did the guy. But I really dont feel like unhiding my profile. Such a waste of time and effort. I might have just wanted to find another bang buddy, but then got worried about all these fuckin gross STDs floatin' around.
Dating anyone is not for me I guess. It's not the boring one partner forever stuff, that, I dont care about. It's just that I have certain routines. I dont like to deviate from them. In the last 4 years, besides family, I let one person disturb that. I met him on the same dating website. Was never anything committed, but If he was a bit more responsible and not lazy, I wouldnt have minded keeping him around and putting more effort into an actual relationship. I am shallow, he was cute, not very bright, but a good looking boy.
It's hard when you find someone with the same issues as you. Neither of you trust the other, and it never works. You both tell the truth, but you both also don't believe the other IS telling the truth. Its a vicious circle and no one wins. This is how difficult I am... I like when the guy initiates decent conversation, I dont text first, because I'm not needy, I dont ask alot of questions because I'm not nosey. And it sucks big time if I find the same person like me... damn we're screwed.
=just read the other entry, I wrote it 2014, it was written in my "random topics" blog=
