As much as I loved my 2 days off, I didn't intend for it to get extended by another day. Woke up about 4:30am not feeling good. I ate a bunch of shit last night so figured pepto would help. went back to sleep until it was time for me to get up and get ready for work... still didn't feel good. Called in sick. Odd I know, but something else didn't feel right. took nighttime cold medicine for the knock out effects, not because I have a cold. 1pm woken up by a phone call. Mom never calls me during the day, my heart sank, I knew what this call was about before I answered. Gordon passed.
Gordon was my grandma's husband. Our step-grandpa if you will. We were never close to him, but he was there. He was there for my Grandma. We lived with him for a bit. Beer and cigarettes were the norm. Lung and throat cancer and tumors in his throat. Text from mom last week broke my heart. for her to watch him go through all that and what it was doing to his health she asked that I really consider to quit smoking. My decision to try to switch to a vape again was because of her text. I know what smoking does to you, I'm not stupid. I'm not afraid of death I'm not afraid to die. But it's sad when you don't care about your own health but you're more concerned with how much it will effect the ones around you. I get hurt off of other people's sadness. I sit here upset at the thought of what my mom is going through. Yes in some way it is effecting me because technically he was the closest thing to a grandpa I can remember. Grandpa on my dad's side was nice, but hardly around.
I haven't had an actual cigarette in over a day. not because I choose not to smoke it, but because I don't have any. You can bet your ass if I had any, I would be on my balcony right now. But I thought making the attempt to switch was going to be a good thing. Then you get told by the one person asking you to quit that the long term effects or just general other effects of what a vape does to oneself hasn't been tested throughout time so it could be doing damage to something else. And the fact that you trying to switch and fully quit smoking has just been shot down.
I needed to laugh when I rolled out of bed. Turned on Netflix to watch the rest of a TV show that is so adorable it makes me laugh all the time. I finished the season and then decided to watch a sappy romance movie. IDK why. It's kinda boring but it's mellow. Bleh, I'm tired now.
