My Aunty Karen

Saturday was the burial of Aunty Karen's Ashes at Mililani Cemetary by Grandma and Grandpa's graves. When asked if I was going to be coming back for the burial, I was torn. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't.Work had nothing to do with it. I still have vacation time and I know if I asked, my bosses would have said yes.
My family asked if it was a money issue. I think I said no. Because I knew they would have made sure I was there if not by way of Dad's wallet then Aunty Eileen would have paid for my way. That would have been far to expensive, but they would have made sure it happened.
But you know me, I don't accept things easily and a plane ticket would be far to much. I know it was important to everyone and trust me I've been tryin to keep my mind occupied to not dwell on my selfish decision to not go. Why do I say selfish when I was saving people's wallets from getting $600 lighter? Because I said no for my own feelings. My own feeling of having to leave my family when I have to come back to Vegas. Selfish right? Some might say no but I'm the biggest judge of my own actions, and feel this was a selfish decision to have made.

Pops, Aunty Patty, Dustyn

I didn't want to sit on a 6 hour flight only to come back a couple days later on another 6 hour flight. I didn't want to have to say bye to Mom and my brothers. Although I would be sad saying bye to Dad, Aunty Patty and Dustyn, I see them all the time when they visit me, but it would still kill me to leave them nonetheless.
I'd come back to nothing. I don't have family here. I have friends yes, and they do treat me like I was family and make sure I'm taken cared of and I'm not dead. haha. And as much as I am eternally grateful, you know it's not the same.

Aunties: Jan, Eileen, Doris, Grace

I really don't know how my sister does it. For fuck sake, she's all the way in Minnesota where no family goes to visit.
I got these pics from Aunty Patty and Aunty Eileen yesterday and today. I cried both times the texts came in. Seeing Aunty Karen's picture next her urn flooded back memories of last February when I was standing next to her hospital bed holding her hand.  I'm sorry I wasn't there and I'm sorry my selfish needs took priority over the support I could have given to my family by simply just being there.