I guess it's way too late to be a new years resolution, so lets just call it my end of the year resolution :-) I will make a strong attempt to start them on November 1st.
I've started this part already. Eating everything in my house and trying not to buy any new food. "Everything" consists of all the boxed, frozen, canned and snack foods. All I plan to keep is crackers (saltine and Ritz... must resist roasted onion Triscuits), saimin (ramen), instant oatmeal, fruits, veggies and milk. I'm almost there but there are times when I'm just not hungry due to my appetite suppressing diet pills, (they work so wonderfully well) but those times it just puts a damper on my food elimination plans. Prolongs my mission to rid my house of yummy yummy fat girl food. Slowly but surely.
My apartment complex has a gym that I have only used a couple of times in the 1 1/2 years I've been here. Failure to take full advantage of this amenity is a terrible waste on my part. Keeping myself and my mind busy with something else besides WoW, blogging and vlogging is something that I need to do... but but, I enjoy them so much. Well, I'll just go easy on them and not post so much. I've been spending money lately on rubbish, clothes, shoes, random junk. All because it makes me feel better. I have no where to wear these things. All I do is go to work and come home. lols... sadness, but anyways.
Get my iPod and getting my lazy ass to the gym is what I need to do ASAP. That will make me feel better. Physically and hopefully mentally as well. Instead of sitting at home during my sleepless nights I can use that time to go to the gym. It's always open.Now here is the challenge. My decision to make changes in November might not be the wisest. Live streaming Blizzcon November 7th and 8th and using the 9th to rewatch missed panels. Like every year, I'm so bummed I'm not actually going to Blizzcon. Metallica playing the closing ceremony this year. Holy shiiiit!!! And then World of Warcraft's expansion Warlords Of Draenor launches on the 13th and I'm requesting off several days for that as well for all night/day gaming. But December seems like too far away to try to start fixing my problems. It's ok, baby steps right.
I need to do this for myself. I don't have someone in my life that constantly tells me I'm beautiful, and that I'm perfect for them and that they care about me, and will never hurt me, blah blah blah. It gets sad, but I've accepted the fact that although this sounds like self-pity, I understand that I can't satisfy someone to want to keep me around. I am difficult to get along with, and somewhat difficult to please in some respect. But then when you open up, you just get slapped in the face when you realize that a booty call is all what you were there for. And then you shut down all over again. That seems to be the trend nowadays and pretty accurate assumption/observation on my part anyways. Then you start treating guys the same way. It's a vicious cycle. Whatever, get over it. That's life lady, get used to it.
But I've never been one to do anything and think what will others think of me. I don't care, I do what I want... completely ridiculous, and frowned upon by the majority. And for the most part, as much as I entertain myself, I entertain others as well, and that's what I get joy from. To make people laugh, even if it is AT me and not so much WITH me, I am satisfied. Makes others feel normal compared to me, and have them realize that their life isn't so bad. Enjoy what you have, because you could end up like me.
