End of the year resolution?

I guess it's way too late to be a new years resolution, so lets just call it my end of the year resolution :-)
I will make a strong attempt to start them on November 1st.
I've started this part already. Eating everything in my house and trying not to buy any new food. "Everything" consists of all the boxed, frozen, canned and snack foods. All I plan to keep is crackers (saltine and Ritz... must resist roasted onion Triscuits), saimin (ramen), instant oatmeal, fruits, veggies and milk. I'm almost there but there are times when I'm just not hungry due to my appetite suppressing diet pills, (they work so wonderfully well) but those times it just puts a damper on my food elimination plans. Prolongs my mission to rid my house of yummy yummy fat girl food. Slowly but surely.
My apartment complex has a gym that I have only used a couple of times in the 1 1/2 years I've been here. Failure to take full advantage of this amenity is a terrible waste on my part.
Keeping myself and my mind busy with something else besides WoW, blogging and vlogging is something that I need to do... but but, I enjoy them so much. Well, I'll just go easy on them and not post so much. I've been spending money lately on rubbish, clothes, shoes, random junk. All because it makes me feel better. I have no where to wear these things. All I do is go to work and come home. lols... sadness, but anyways.
Get my iPod and getting my lazy ass to the gym is what I need to do ASAP. That will make me feel better. Physically and hopefully mentally as well. Instead of sitting at home during my sleepless nights I can use that time to go to the gym. It's always open.
Now here is the challenge. My decision to make changes in November might not be the wisest. Live streaming Blizzcon November 7th and 8th and using the 9th to rewatch missed panels. Like every year, I'm so bummed I'm not actually going to Blizzcon. Metallica playing the closing ceremony this year. Holy shiiiit!!! And then World of Warcraft's expansion Warlords Of Draenor launches on the 13th and I'm requesting off several days for that as well for all night/day gaming. But December seems like too far away to try to start fixing my problems. It's ok, baby steps right.
I need to do this for myself. I don't have someone in my life that constantly tells me I'm beautiful, and that I'm perfect for them and that they care about me, and will never hurt me, blah blah blah. It gets sad, but I've accepted the fact that although this sounds like self-pity, I understand that I can't satisfy someone to want to keep me around. I am difficult to get along with, and somewhat difficult to please in some respect. But then when you open up, you just get slapped in the face when you realize that a booty call is all what you were there for. And then you shut down all over again. That seems to be the trend nowadays and pretty accurate assumption/observation on my part anyways. Then you start treating guys the same way. It's a vicious cycle. Whatever, get over it. That's life lady, get used to it.
But I've never been one to do anything and think what will others think of me. I don't care, I do what I want... completely ridiculous, and frowned upon by the majority. And for the most part, as much as I entertain myself, I entertain others as well, and that's what I get joy from. To make people laugh, even if it is AT me and not so much WITH me, I am satisfied. Makes others feel normal compared to me, and have them realize that their life isn't so bad. Enjoy what you have, because you could end up like me.

For the better?... I guess.

Caught up with an old friend today. He asked me if I regret meeting my longest relationship guy...
I do not regret it. If I never met him, I would not have ever moved away from Hawaii. I would not have left the only home I knew for 27 years of my life. I would never know what it was like to be on my own and having to support myself. I would not have met all the great friends I have made here.
It's cheaper to live here then it is in Hawaii, everyone knows that. If I stayed I would always be dependent on my family in some way. In my opinion, In Hawaii, unless you have a great paying job, a roomie, or a second income you can't ever leave home. I always say if I can do it, anyone can do it. I'm not smart, obviously, so really anyone can do it :-)
My independence here is a lot of the reason I don't go back. Everytime pops comes to visit he always asks when I'm coming back home. Sometimes I think it would be better if I did. Easier. Closer to family whom I miss so much. But that won't help me. I'll just be going backwards.
I have no family here but the friends I have are just that for me. As much as I miss my family I see them often. Indeed Vegas is the "9th Island". So many Hawaii people and family comes here to visit so much that I don't completely get lonely.
I haven't went through hard shit in my life like a lot of people. I might have turned out differently if I had. Maybe just to have the experience of it all I might view things and handle things in my life differently as well. Hearing stories of what friends went through in their lives does make me thankful that I haven't had first hand experience, and I can't relate, but I do sympathize. Pulls at the heart strings ya know. Do not mistake it for pity, It's sympathy and concern coming off on my end.
For the most part I'm doing OK. I keep to myself and I entertain myself. No dramas, just me... living my life.
Just thought of something kinda depressing for my parents... Between their four kids, they ain't getting any grandchildren. LMAO. Sorry that was soooo not very funny... kinda was... no it wasn't. I know they say it's not a big deal and if that's what we want then it will happen, etc. But isn't that what parent's live for... to have grandchildren? To multiply their family?... for their minions to make more minions? I don't know. Mish! get on it!! eww kidding. I went backwards in that department so I'm a lost cause apparently. Not feeling bad for myself or anything, it just is what it is.
Not too sure where this entry is going right now, kinda went off topic and just started rambling, like usual. I didn't finish this one all in one sitting either, I started it several days ago so that might have been why I was bit scattered on the content. Then I just searched for "family quotes" for pics and that didn't turn up good ones I liked, then I searched for "lonely quotes" and it just got depressing.
In my eyes being lonely sucks, but it's a good thing in a lot of ways. You get used to it, and you know how to handle it without completely breaking down and going nuts. I've been to that point, and then friends always pulls me out. Whether it be going to hang out or just talking on the phone. I'm always concerned about others before myself. I was concerned for my sister far more then myself for the past couple of years, but now she has roommates, my parents and I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing she has the constant companionship of people to socialize with.  She being all the way in Minnesota, family will naturally get concerned.
Anyways, I'm over this entry. I've rambled enough for my own good.