Taking a break again

<-- This image made me laugh... mainly because it pretty much sums up exactly what I have done here. Kidding of course cuz I've been back for a bit now.
I will be honest, I'm one of those that scroll around on the feed and don't "like" anything. Or I can go a couple days without logging on and then finally when I do, some people get a spam wall of me liking old shit that makes me look like a fuckin' creeper. Well I know a lot of people do this too. But I've been mainly going on and watching "reels" lately. They make me laugh.
I've taken breaks many times before and obviously I come back. This time is no different. Well maybe it is. I have left before because I struggled with shit and detachment was the only way I could keep my sanity. The latest break lasted about a year and a half. That time away was good for me, I did a lot. 

I feel like breaks every-so-often is necessary. Social media can be toxic. It sucks because the ones that don't seek out or contribute to the negativity are the ones that usually feel they need a break. Does it mean I'm a weak, crybaby bitch that I can't ignore the bullshit out there? A simple fix is not to completely leave but just cut back and not open the app every time. Or not to deactivate, but just delete the apps from your phone. Unfortunately for me that's not possible. If I know the account is active, I will find some way to get on and poke around. I've said it before, I often feel nosey when I do specifically go to people's pages to see what they're up to and end up scrolling and clicking on things. I know everyone one does it and that's the whole point of our profiles, feeds, stories, and photos... we share it publicly with friends and family for them to see what we're up to and hit one of the reaction buttons. No matter how much I tell myself that fact, I just can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable, for lack of a better term, when I do start scrolling. Sometimes the scrolling leads to lurking on places I shouldn't. Then the emptiness creeps up. You can tell me for days not to let things get to me, but I'm human so you're sure as shit it does. But the funny thing is that it bothers me, but then it goes away, and I'm all better. I am super anti-social so you'd figure I could give two shits about any of this and that's true for the most part. My sister says I have ADHD or something. Meh, she might be right, she knows the signs and shit and apparently it entails a lot more than what I thought ADHD deals with. 
Anywhos, way off topic there...

I am a part of 3 FB groups. 2 World of Warcraft and 1 Sumo. They are super active and most of my feed are of the group member's postings. When I say "most of my feed" I'm for reals talking like 90%. Actually scratch that, it has a whole shit load of annoying adds too. Then I get my friend's posts as minimal as it is. So I'm sifting through a lot of crap before I get to anything meaningful. I mean not "crap" cuz the group's posts I love. I love my WoW stuff, and since I'm not playing it right now, it makes my heart happy to see all the screen shots and reading what others are doing ingame fills my heart with such joy! ha! And of course I'm obsessed with Sumo so my sumo group puts a sumo sized smile on my face as well. Thankfully I can get my fixes for WoW and sumo on youtube. But anywhos, my point to that rambling was that despite all the good things that I choose to see on my feeds, the crap also seeps in. Yes there's negative, disgruntled, spiteful, ignorant people in all those groups and reels. I always foolishly read them forgetting that some people suck. 
I'm gonna stop now because I'm sounding more and more like a someone I'd wanna slap the shit out of for complaining so much.

So to end this, I'll take my break in a day or two. I know I always say I'll keep up with this blog, but I can't guarantee that as most of my time has been taken up by work and school, and the rest is staying home being anti-social just how I like it. I'm sure I'll update things every now and again on this blog or my other ones. And I'm sure my break won't be as long as the last time.

Happy New Years Everyone! Stay weird and be safe!

What has Skully been up to?

Hello everyone who decided to click on that link.
The following might be a little too much sharing just FYI. If you know me, you know I love to read about people's stories, I would love to read of my friend's lives. I love to read biographies of people past and present. I know FB and IG you get a little taste of the lives we lead, but it's only brief and mostly in pictures. I am a sucker for a person's information (no, not your fuckin' SSN and internet passwords) and knowledge and the reasons why things happen in their lives. Maybe I should have took up Psychology instead of Surgical tech. Anywhos, off track... so yeah, the following will be me sharing. I'll try to throw some weird pictures, cuz what's a Skully blog without some weird shit thrown in there.

Activating both FB and IG at 3am this morning stirred up quite a bit of lovely post comments and PMs askin' where the hell I've been and what I've been doing for the past year and a half. For those interested in knowing in semi detail, I will tell you. But seriously nothing really interesting happened.

I guess the main reason why I left all my social media (and friends) behind was to work on myself. I deactivated a bit after my latest relationship took a dump. Yes again, and yes in the same fashion as the first one. Don't feel bad for me, I do it to myself. I've come to terms with understanding it's my fault I don't keep anyone's attention, I'm a loner and I'm oblivious to any signs that gets thrown my way indicating any kind of loss of interest, meh, it is what it is. They find someone else to fill that spot, I don't argue and fight, I just say "rajah!"... just gotta let it go. But that just goes to show balls might be lacking somewhere on them, because an actual conversation or forewarning of finding someone else on thier part never seems to come up... I'd like to think of it like "they are so nice, to think of my feelings, and that because I am such a sweetheart that they didn't want to hurt my poor little feelings" LMAO... my ass!, fuckin bullshit right. Alright enough of that shit...

So that started my small kine spiral. I had to run back to my Daddy... Pops, Aunty Patty, and Dustyn took my sad ass in. I felt so defeated, gone was the days of my independence, or partial because I did live with the ex. I know it's not a bad thing I came back to family, I really do, because a lot of people still live with their parents, If you tell me yeah well those people are in their 20s I'm gonna slap the shit out of you, fuckin jerks lol, I fuckin pay rent OK!. I know I'm a lost cause trying to climb out of this hole I've dug myself into just shy of covering it with dirt. But honestly, I love living with them. When I lived with my ex I could count on one hand how much times I saw them. That is over a year period. I worked fulltime and the time I was off I spent it with the ex. He hated driving across town, and we had the same days off and he wanted to not spend it in the car. So I spent that time with him. That is one of many regrets, not visiting them more during that time. But look, It worked out, I see then every fuckin day and I love it! My favorite thing to do is watch Sumo with pops, when there isn't tournaments I'll hang with him and watch sumo match analysis, or old tournaments. I'm currently trying to make the Yokozuna's belt as a necklace. I'm having trouble with the five Shide (lightning bolts) that hangs down, they keep fuckin breaking, I'll figure it out.
The pic insert is my favorite Yokozuna Asashoryu with the belt I'm tryin to make.

Dust started to paint, he paints on glass panes. I have 2 Anime pictures that he says he messes up on but I love them. He said he messed up on the shading and I didn't want him to just toss them so of course I'll take them. 

And my Aunty Patty time is spent mostly eating all the stuff she makes... Um yeah, be jealous... well not really because I'm not losing weight... LOL J/K it's not because she makes all the yummy deserts. It's because I'm just fat and I love to eat them ALL!!!! not gonna lie there.
I put a pic of her cake popsicle creation

Alright let's move this on...
A couple months past, Covid hit and the shut down happened. I work at Bally's. And since moving to Vegas I've always wanted to work in a casino, the cage to be exact. Hey man, it's Vegas, casino job, that's job security right there right... hmm, nope! Fuuuuuuck this. More depression sets in. Gotta do something productive... never happends. The only productive thing that happened was eating, and playing World of Warcraft. Playing WoW IS productive mind you. My good friend Crystal reached out to me during that time to check up on me, she's so fuckin sweet. I will always thank and credit her for lighting the fire under my ass about this school thing. I had no direction in life and apparently staying in the casino industry was not wise to bank all my chips on. During all the Covid shit you hear of all the Healthcare workers, who are pretty much risking their own lives to help others that have fallen ill to covid. No vaccine and they go to work and help the ill... If that is not super fuckin inspiring then I really don't know what is. Anyone in the healthcare industry has a very important job no matter that they do. It

didn't take long to figure out what the fuck I wanted to. I knew I wanted to do something with surgeries. I'm not smart enough, or willing to take on a huge ass student debt that I'm sure I won't pay off before I fuckin die, to be a surgeon, so I decided on a Surgical Tech. I inquired at a school, and said OK. To be honest, If Unemployment and Stimulus checks had not come, I would not have enrolled. If anything good came out of my last relationship it gave me the opportunity to get completely out of credit card debt, and I will thank him for that. So all the money I was able to get from the shutdown I put towards my schooling. 
After the lockdown, and Ballys opened back up I lost my fulltime status and hours. SOOOooooo looks like enrolling in school was a smart thing to do huh. I mean aside from continuing your education is always a smart thing to do... Sadly I am old and I really wish I had more direction earlier in my life. Aside from my teacher, I am the oldest in my class lol. Oh yeah and because I catch on quick, get straight As, I run some study groups, and when in class I try to help my classmates come up with the answers instead of just blurting out the answers myself, my teacher said my school is hiring for teachers and asked if I'd be interested in teaching Medical Assisting there... tempting, but I do have an end goal, and teaching isn't it.

So that brings us to today, and the end of my social media boycott. I'm in a better place in my head. I struggle with this fuckin shit show of a life I've created for myself, as I'm sure everyone does. Some are way better and equipped to dealing with it. People have shoulders to go to. I don't have a shoulder. I know my friends tell me to just come to them, but I don't. I have a very full bottle. Writing these blogs helps me relive some of the pressure building up. I don't verbally talk to people about it, but this is my outlet. It's more concrete I guess, and I fully understand it is public, and I'm completely OK with the fact everyone can read and judge me if they feel the need to. If you ever read any of my other blogs, you can clearly see I don't give a shit. I say what I want and I do what I want. And it helps me and that's all that matters really.

And to end this... I told you I needed to add some weird shit in here, I mean aside from my whole ramblings if anyone sat through it all LOL... Here is the Godzilla shark... 300 million years old fossil found in New Mexico and he finally gets an official name a couple days ago "Dracopristis hoffmanorum"... See I give educational shit in my posts too!

Holy Crap look what I just found on the interwebs....
I guess I'll be "journaling" more lol. But my handwriting is shit so I guess more internet blogging will be happening. Well aside for the "RL" blog, I have my others that are full of random ramblings that I'll prolly be doing more then this one. As random topics pop into my head and my opinions accumulate I tend to write about it... Should I have gone into creative writing or something?... Shit stop!! ok bye...

I Copy/pasted the below... pretty interesting!

If anyone does decide to pick this "journaling" thing up and make it public, send me a link to it, know that someone would love to read about your fascinating stories.

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Journaling for Mental Health

When you were a teenager, you might have kept a diary hidden under your mattress. It was a place to confess your struggles and fears without judgment or punishment. It likely felt good to get all of those thoughts and feelings out of your head and down on paper. The world seemed clearer.

You may have stopped using a diary once you reached adulthood. But the concept and its benefits still apply. Now it’s called journaling. It's simply writing down your thoughts and feelings to understand them more clearly. And if you struggle with stress, depression, or anxiety, keeping a journal can be a great idea. It can help you gain control of your emotions and improve your mental health.

Journaling benefits     

One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:

• Manage anxiety

• Reduce stress

• Cope with depression

Journaling helps control your symptoms and improve your mood by:

• Helping you prioritize problems, fears, and concerns

• Tracking any symptoms day-to-day so that you can recognize triggers and learn ways to better control them

• Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviors

When you have a problem and you're stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can work on a plan to resolve the problems and reduce your stress.